we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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