he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
