Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
