your thong is hanging out like whoa
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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