if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
