I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
