I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
