haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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