This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
