I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
