so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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