to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
