You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
