quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
