I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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