I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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