Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
