fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
