I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
