drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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