Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
