You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
