Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
