There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
