we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
