WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
