When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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