You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
