I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
