Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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