is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
