Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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