your parents love me but you hate me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
