i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
