laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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