From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
