Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
