it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
