It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
