i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
