Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
