I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
