my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
