First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
