I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
