I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
