i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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