Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
