i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
