I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
