True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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