if i can run in heels then i can drive
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
