3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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