Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize