I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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