i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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