I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
