I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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