She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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