Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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