I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
