People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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