I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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