I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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