Someone shit on the floor
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
