I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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