At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
