i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
