Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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