Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
