nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
