I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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