dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Duck Duck Cougar?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
