You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
