She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Randomize
