i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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