highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
