This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
