I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
